From 2011 through 2021 I was in an abusive relationship with Erik Garlington who many know from his band, Proper. The nature of the abuse is critical context for what happened after we separated—Erik played a pivotal role in the suicide of Katelyn Bartelt. For almost two years, Erik has been lying to anyone and everyone who will listen about our relationship and Kate’s death. My intention today is to share my experience and set the record straight.

The dynamic between us from the beginning, when I was 17 and he was 20, has always been imbalanced. He was always older and insisted he knew better—he held power over me for my entire adult life until I left in 2021. The pressure to have sex was pervasive throughout our entire relationship. Erik and I began dating when I was behaving in a hypersexual manner as I had done in high school and college, trying to reconcile my childhood sexual trauma. Over time, as I became less willing to have sex and more affected by trauma from childhood, this pressure escalated until I was being coerced into having sex regularly.

Mark is Kate’s rightful next of kin. They saw each other twice before Kate made the choice they made and left everything to Mark, including all the passwords for their accounts so they could finally have a clear picture and know what is true. Kate told Mark to ‘protect themselves’ because they had backchanneled so much to Erik.